Thursday, October 06, 2005

The Spirit As An Unruly Beast

Turmoil in our lives can be the result of a variety of influences! Tonight my spirit was torn between anger and sadness. It's a very personal thing, and one that may be of value if shared. The anger in and of itself is of no benefit to anyone, but from the perspective of sadness you may hear my thoughts and find comfort at some point in your life when you are forced to wrestle with your spirit. I have a son serving in the army. I am very proud of him for his service to our country. I love him very deeply, and yet, on December 12, 1999, following the deaths of my parents(dad on July 1st - mom on August 1st)he chose to disown me and be adopted by his stepfather. At the time he was 21 years of age and nothing I could do or say would disuade him. He chose a course of action in conjunction with his mother and her husband Ken,(the stepfather who was chosen as "father" for my son,is now dead as the result of a heartattack)to go through the court proceedings and was "legally adopted" thus taking on a new last name, and a new persona(can you do this just by changing your last name). Tonight I found myself in the midst of continuing to clean up the affairs of my parents. If you wonder why it has taken so long it is because '99 was a not so good year and it took me 'til '04 to really dig into the task of cleanup. What is left are the personal belongings that must be gone through(when I say 'must' it is a choice, and one that my conscience would not permit me to do otherwise)and sorted. At the center of my wrestling tonight were the bank books which I had not previously examined. My father was a kind and generous man, a good man, and a firm believer in God and His only Son, our living Savior, Christ. Dad started saving for my son's education when he was born in '78. In '83 he had set aside $10,386.63, according to the books. He continued this until my son graduated from high school at which point my father and I both encouraged the young man to "get an education." What followed were years of my son taking advantage of his family, spending the college fund without ever so much as passing a test, and then continuing to live as though there were no need to succeed in life. I pray today that he has matured in the military. I pray daily for his safety in Iraq. I pray for his children and his wife. My wife and I are not allowed to see the children from his marriage, but we do have a blessing in our 4 year old grand daughter, she is so cool, and her mom seems to like both of us. This is the daughter that my son has no time for, either. So you see, there are times when the spirit must be wrestled. I look for peace, and pray for a time when I will fully understand the "why" of how this all came about. I know that there is little that I can do to change the circumstances. What I do is "Press On" in faith and trust that in God's time my spirit will return to the calm place that helps me get along the best. When we are hurt there are two directions our hearts can go. One is as unfruitful as the other. Be it sadness or anger, if we allow these emotions to control us we have ceased to be at peace with the life we live. Tonight, as with every night I seek the peace that comes from faith in my Savior and the healing power that is found in God. Life is never "easy" but we can learn to not let it be as hard as we might make it. Let God be God, and someday, I submit, we will see very clearly the purpose which now evades our comprehension. God bless, Preacher.

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