Saturday, August 27, 2005

Sometimes My Attitudes Aren't Right

Today I had to slow down and think about my attitudes so many times that I began to wonder if I would ever get it right. It's very easy to love and care about people who love and care for us, and very hard to love those whose very presence seems to cause the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up. I should have learned by now to spot them at a distance and get out of the way before they strike, but it seems like I get so surprised(deer in the beams)that I just don't move, and then, there I am in the middle of yet another convergence of lines that require a decision. I want to be caring and loving, but there is a part of me that really doesn't want to get bit by that dog again. One of the songs on the new CD refers to sin as a "big dog" that is out to get us. It was one of those moments when I was truly attempting to put everything that had happened into a perspective that would make sense inside the realm of my spiritual being. Sometimes the process works, and other times it leaves me amazed by the depth of "not so good" human emotions that can well up. The pictures I posted with my writing tonight depict a host of mixed emotions. Both vehicles are white, both have character, and both look really cool in my eyes. The big difference is the "living, breathing, heart beating essence" of one, and the attachment that comes with the other. Loving something that can never love back is "safe" to do, and carries with it very few responsibilities. Maybe that's why there are so many love songs written about machines. A horse, on the other hand, can love back, and it can feel abuse and respond accordingly. There in I find my inability to sort things out. When I'm truly caring about another person I don't want them to be hurt, and when they are I want to do something to ease the pain. Then it follows if the source of the pain is another person I am not going to feel very kindly toward them as a result of the injury they cause. Does your life ever get complications in it like this? I suppose everyone's does, but each of us learns to cope using the skills we have aquired through our life experiences. Mine leaves me wandering a gray area between what I have learned and what I have lived. Spiritually speaking, I have several paths open; Forgiveness(I don't believe they are aware of the damage done, so forgiveness can only be at the superficial level), Shake the dust of that person's presence from my feet and get along down the road to where I might be better understood, and the third option, which has been attempted over and over again with the same results, nothing happens(maybe next time?)! Place not your pearls in the paths of swine, is one verse that comes to mind over and over again. Maybe that is my answer, but to be sure I need to be in prayer about the situations and see if there is anything that I have missed that might have a bearing on the outcome this time. I don't think so(isn't that a cute little car?), but I'll keep trying and in the meantime, I know where to place my trust. I place my trust for answers to all of the "tough" questions in my Savior who has purchased forgiveness for me by the shedding of His blood. Have a wonderful Sunday!!!
In Christ's Love, Preacher.

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